I feel like I should walk away, forever, but I can’t bear the thought of leaving you, even though we’re not anything anymore. (Listening to High Hopes - Kodaline now is probably a really bad thing to do now, here we go, emotional post)
Wonder why I even stopped writing on tumblr, writing kinda helps me let things out, and recently I have no fucking clue what’s been bothering me, I just feel so stressed, burdened, upset. But in front of everyone I somehow am so able to hide everything, never knew I was that capable in doing so.. (not bragging)
It’s upsetting how whenever I meet you, my laugh-non-stop, cheeky, bubbly, talk-non-stop self doesn’t come out. And it’s INFURIATING. I hate it. Hate the fact that we’re quiet most of the time.
I wonder if you’re happy most of the time when you’re with me, or whether I’m making you feel even worse than you were before meeting me.
"Do you ever feel guilty when you’re around me?"
When I placed my hand on your lap the other day, you touched my arm, but moved your hand on your upper thigh, on the same leg, just beside my hand. Did you not want to hold me?
"How much do you look forward to meeting me everytime?"
I love those moments when there’s so much things to talk about that we’re ‘competing’ to say our views, and laughing about things, seeing you smile most of the time while talking to me, while you’re driving, it lights me up.
"Why didn’t you smile this time, you looked bored, and upset by something, by me. But you just said you were tired.."
Can’t help feeling like you’re out finding for someone else to replace me.
"What’s going to happen when I study abroad?"
There’s so much I plan to talk to you about, but when I’m with you my mind goes blank, there’s nothing I can bring up to talk about, the insane amount of shyness I feel (up to this day) when I’m with you.
I miss the past, when I would skip school and classes to be with you, like as those hours were never enough, I wanted to be with you forever.
Sigh, I don’t know what to do with you.
"I really miss you, but I can’t tell you."